Sometimes, I admit I day dream and think to myself that maybe, just maybe this might be a little bit easier if I was doing this on my own. I had someone tell me the other day, that they needed to “Protect their peace” which was hard not to take personally. This is the second friend I held extremely close to my heart that has dismissed me so easily, as if I were an old childhood stuffed bear with a missing eyeball thrown into the Goodwill bin – yeah, not even The Arc! Straight to Goodwill. Bye Teddy, thanks for the memories.

I’m not a quitter, and it’s not that easy to get rid of me. I’m a noble and trusted friend. Almost to a fault. It’s to a point where, people know they can fall off the side of the earth, and know I’ll be there waiting for them, and I’ll never ask for that $20 they owe me. I’m too loyal, maybe golden retriever loyal. But, it’s something I am proud of. I love my people deeply and am proud of the community and family I have cultivated around me. I’d never have gotten through this recovery without my friends, even the ones that disappeared.

I read recently, a quote that resonated deeply, “People don’t leave those they love, they leave those they used.” I’m strong enough to walk away from toxic relationships, but ache if I am seen as the toxic one. If someone needs their peace, I respect that, to a degree… if my existence or disability is a disruption to their flawless little fantasy lives, then I plan to take up as much space as humanly possible. I don’t think it’s right to diminish your light for other people, and we should not make it that easy for people to walk all over our confidence. I refuse to let someone have that type of power, and so should you.

Stand up, or sit up tall and proud of who the fuck you are, and TAKE. UP. SPACE.

You deserve it.