Social media is a two edged sword. While it brings a sense of community, and introduces us to life long friends- lookin’ at you, Joe Borges and Mimi Hayes (Amongst many others)- all of whom I wouldn’t have met without my activity on Instagram- It can also be poisonous and start breaking down your confidence, little by little.

I know, we’re not supposed to be comparing ourselves and our stroke journey’s to one another, but it’s nearly impossible to shut off that inner dialogue asking, “why am I not there yet?” When you watch another survivor pick up her water bottle or carry something with their affected hand with ease. I look down at my left hand clenched in a fist. It’s been three fucking years. When will you wake up? Can’t it be our turn? I’m so tired. I’ve done all of the right things. Every exercise, all of the PT and OT that was available to me (thanks for nothing, insurance) everything they told me to do. Why are we still here? why am I still half paralyzed? Why is everyone else recovering and not me? What am I doing wrong? Someone once told me they still had gains after 5 years, and to keep my head up, after I posted a pretty depressing post about my left arm’s lack of progression- the community side of instagram really is worth it most days. Everytime I tell myself I need to take a Social Media break for mental health- just so I STOP COMPARING my damn self to every freaking person ever to exist, I remember the beautiful side of the community. The people I love so much. The people I want to cheer for as they progress, the chosen family I have all over the world that shares a similar trauma and experience that I do, so we’re really not so alone in this afterall. even on our darkest days.